My Twitter Addiction

In late 2009 I was introduced to a website called 'Twitter'. I had no idea what it was or what I was supposed to do, so after three for four days I stopped using it.

Then, in July 2010 I decided to give it another go to see what all the fuss was about. Little did I realise I was signing up to a website that would pretty much take over my life.

Back then, Twitter was nowhere near as big as it is now. You hardly ever heard friends or family talking about it let alone see it appearing on the TV. These days most TV shows start off with a hashtag of their show so you can join in with the conversation online.

Nowadays it's all over the news as 'trolls' use it to anonymously abuse celebrities and general users from the safety of their computer screen. Social media is constantly being slated and people who use it seem to be 'looked down upon'.

Back in 2010 I didn't have any followers, so I did what every self respecting person would do and I advertised my username on the website LadsLads which got me 10-15 followers, some of which I am pleased to say still follow me to this day despite my rantings and ravings.

At the time my friend/colleague, Alex Turner (@CaptainBeverage) was the only other person I know who used Twitter on a regular basis. It soon became a competition over who got the most followers.

Alex's style of tweets were, and still are the same. Quality/intelligence over my ranting/moaning style tweets. Fortunately for me, people spend most of their time on social media complaining about everyday life, TV shows and celebrities. Needless to say I won and I am currently sat on 1,890 followers where I have been for the past six months and unable to budge.  I used to worry about the amount of followers, but these days I just tweet what I like rather than tweeting what other people want to see.

Today I will happily admit that I have an 'addiction'. I used to find it very difficult to not tweet about my life and I often found myself checking my time-line rather than going outside. I have found a happy medium of spending time online and actually going out and seeing friends. I am no longer sat in social occasions and tweeting constantly, unless something genuinely funny/interesting happens then I will tweet about it because I enjoy sharing things that have amused me, with the world.

For some reason I have this 'need' to know what strangers are doing with their lives. Often this leads to jealousy as I often see tweets from people on holiday or on a night out, whilst I'm sat on my break in a convenience store on the Isle of Wight.

On the positive side of things, I have met some genuinely nice people on Twitter and I am currently planning on meeting some of them in the near future and there are some genuinely clever, funny, interesting and rather attractive people I have pleased to have 'met' (if I can use that word) which would not have happened if I had not been for Twitter.

So that's my 'Twitter life' summed up in a short blog, I hope you enjoyed reading it as I rather enjoyed writing it.

I'm sure someone out there has pretty much the same tale to tell, if you do can you please let me know, so I know I'm not the only one?

On a serious note, if you have ever been subjected to negative/abusive tweets from a stranger because of something you've said, just remember that they probably don't know you and that their opinion is based on what you've said rather than you as a person.

Thanks again for reading this and happy tweeting.

Matt x (@mattissotrendy)

Farewell Bowling For Soup

It's not often I do a heartfelt blog, but on this occasion I feel it's necessary.

I have recently found out that Bowling For Soup's next UK tour will be their last ever UK tour. They're not breaking up as a band, just no longer touring due to family commitments.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Jaret, Chris, Erik and Gary for the amazing performances not only in the UK, but throughout the world.

Their goofy humour, bad jokes and equally cheesy songs have made them a must see for 10-15 years. They were one of the best bands I have ever seen live, they're not only amazing musicians, but also comedians and downright great guys.

Not many pop/punk bands can get away with playing the main stage at Download, which is predominately a heavy metal festival.

I don't think I'll ever see a band with massive inflatable sheep on the side of the stage, only to be followed by two inflatable rock hands.

I wish them all the luck and happiness in the world and hope they enjoy the rest of their lives with their friends and families and I can't wait to hear their new stuff.

If any of the band ever read this, then thank you. Thank you for the amazing gigs, the laughs, the music and for being fucking amazing people. Keep writing great songs and thank you for never changing. You made me smile when I first heard you guys 15 years ago and you're still making me smile now.

See you in Southampton in October for what I'm sure will be an amazing gig.

Yes, I probably will cry.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Important life lessons (sort of).

This year marks my 9th year of working in food retail. Over the near decade, I have learnt several important lessons.

Here are just a few;

• You will never be able to please 100% of people 100% of the time. So don't bother trying.
• Smiling back at someone who is being utterly obnoxious to you always works.
• Always be aware of the current weather, as this will be the main topic of conversation on a daily basis.
• Despite having Easter Eggs in since New Year, people will still complain when you've sold out the day before Easter Sunday.
• It's almost impossible to explain to someone who doesn't speak English that they are 'too drunk to serve' and that the best way to convey it, is to start mimicking a drunk man with an imaginary bottle and then wag your finger saying "no".
• Despite opening at 10am on a Sunday for the past 9-10 years, people will still queue up at 9:45, wave at the doors, look at you and tap their watches.
• At 16:00 on a Sunday (closing time) there will always be someone who only wants to 'grab a bottle of milk' only to then grab a basket and do their daily shop.
• No matter how many signs you put up around the shop, people will never ever read them.
• No matter where in the shop you want to put stock there will be someone stood there examining a product for 5-10 minutes. 
• No-one ever knows where the eggs are.
• No-one ever reads the signs above the aisles.
• People will use anything to convince you they are over 18. Such as; 'I have kids, I have a car, I have an '18 today' badge on'.
• You will be questioned about store offers, even when you're queuing at the bank and not in uniform.
• People will recognise you when you're sat in the doctors waiting room and ask how you are, which is actually quite sweet.
• If you have a tie, you are automatically responsible for everything the company has done. 

Perhaps the single most important lesson I personally have learnt is;

• Do NOT talk into a croissant as if it's a phone, because when an angry customer storms into the shop demanding to see 'the man in charge', everyone points to the man with a croissant to his ear, and from that point onward it's impossible to be taken seriously. 

I hope there are some lessons here that people can take away and use to assist them in their lives. 

Yay. Another hate list.

I'm in a 'I hate stuff' mood again, which is normal. Here be a small list of people I want to hit with a spade.

1. Random drunk people on a night out who ask if they can take my glasses and try them on so their mate can take a photo of them wearing them.
2. People who queue up for ages, unpack their shopping and appear 'shocked' they have to pay at the end. "Oh, I have to pay? Shit. Okay, my purse is in here somewhere...". Oh, you're shocked you had to pay for your shopping?
3. People on Twitter who tell you to "Keep your opinion to yourself". Some people just don't get it.
4. People who upload every single photo from a night out, even the badly lit blurry ones.
5. People who sigh when I'm in the way because they have a seven foot wide pram with ten fat children in.
6. People who try and get me to mosh at gigs by shoving me into the pit. Sorry, I paid to see the band live and not get thrown into random drunk dick heads.
7. People who throw stuff at the main band.
8. People who glare at you when they cross the road in front of you.
9. People who retweet bland and uninteresting stuff from celebrities. If I liked them, I'd follow them.
10. People.

I Can't Serve You, It's The Law...

I've worked in food retail for nearly nine years and this means dealing with refusals on a regular basis. When I say 'refusals' I mean refusing to serve someone because they have no ID, are too drunk or with people who don't have ID.

Recently however, there seems to have been a massive increase in people who seem to think they can obtain cigarettes/tobacco and/or alcohol without the need to prove to me they are 18. This usually results in them going away, muttering a few choice words under their breath. Usually "fucking speccy cunt".

On some occasions people can become quite hostile. I have been shouted at, sworn at and threatened. I've had people kick over displays, punch the window and even throw my pen across the shop (the third being the worst, as pens are hard to come by in my job), all because they didn't get their own way.

For those of you who don't work in retail or deal with selling 'sensitive products' here is a list of reasons of what happens if we get caught selling to under age people;

• £80 'on the spot' fine
• Disciplinary/loss of bonus
• Possible loss of job
• Store could lose licence 
• Criminal record 

Oddly enough, I do not want to risk any of the above just so you can get a packet of 20 Mayfair and no amount of shouting, swearing, threatening and temper tantrums will make me change my mind.

You will also get refused for the following;

• No ID
• With people who look young and have no ID
• If you're drunk
• If it's suspected you're buying for someone not old enough/been refused

Now I've been on an intensive two day course to earn my alcohol licence. I know the law and who I can and cannot serve, I'm not doing it because I'm a 'jobs worth' I'm doing it so I don't risk getting a criminal record and a fine.

A lot of kids think that when they turn 18 they think they're able to buy alcohol regardless of the situation. If you come up to me with two mates and try and buy a bottle of vodka and some beer, I'm going to assume your mates are going to be drinking it, so I shall require some ID from them too. 

I will NOT fall for the "Oh, my mates aren't drinking it..." line. I'm sorry, are your friends going to sit there and not have any? Would you not like to buy them some Ribena so they don't feel left out? People also seem to think I require hard evidence that they're going to drink it. No. I am entitled to refuse the sale without proof.

I've had situations when people have left the store after being refused, then literally minutes later one of their friends come in and try to buy the EXACT same stuff that's still behind me on the floor from the last person I refused hoping I have the memory of a goldfish.

I find it so hard to work out why, in this day and age, people fail to realise that they might get ID'd and often act surprised. 

I want to get the message across to anyone who looks 'young' and is considering buying alcohol/cigarettes please use your brain and take some form of ID.

Please.

I'm begging you.

It will mean you get what you want and I don't have to argue with you. Because I have a lot better things to be getting on with in my day, than arguing with someone who won't take 'no' for an answer and then decides to have a childish tantrum.

Rant over.

#100ThingsIHate

I know this is cheating, but I think if I did all 100 in tweets I'd get a mass unfollowing.

So here is my list.

1. People who don't indicate at roundabouts.
2. People who do half the speed limit.
3. People who feel the need to point out how expensive our shop is.
4. When people have celebrities as their profile picture on Twitter/Facebook.
5. People who have a celebrity name in their Twitter username.
6. People who say they 'follow back' yet they have 10,000+ followers and only follow 500.
7. Campers on Battlefield 3.
8. Glitchers on Battlefield 3.
9. When I'm playing conquest (Battlefield 3) and my whole team is sniping, meaning we lose.
10. When you've just cleaned your car and a bird instantly shits on it.
11. When I'm only halfway through my day and my iPhone says 25% battery.
12. Fan bases who feel the need to give themselves a name. Beliebers, Directioners, Monsters etc.
13. People who only tweet stuff people find 'relevant' for retweets.
14. When someone asks me if my glasses are 'real'.
15. People who think it's okay to take my glasses on a night out.
16. People who call me Harry Potter.
17. People who come into the shop a minute before we close and pick up a basket.
18. In the summer the birds start singing at 3am.
19. When I've put too much cold water into a bath.
20. When I finally get into bed, then need to get up again.
21. I do a really funny tweet and no one retweets it.
22. People who spread their love life all over Facebook.
23. Facebook.
24. The Facebook app for iPhone.
25. Grindr people who start off a conversation with a picture of their penis.
26. People on Grindr who ask where I am from, despite it saying in my bio.
27. People who assume I am 'indie' because of my glasses.
28. People in general.
29. When it's windy, my windows rattle.
30. Windows (Microsoft).
31. Microsoft.
32. Halo.
33. Johnny Vaughan.
34. Big Brother.
35. Celebrity endorsed products on TV.
36. Call of Duty.
37. Customers who argue when they've been refused.
38. People who do nothing but tweet about how happy they are.
39. People who upload every photo from their holiday.
40. People who upload every photo they've taken of their baby.
41. People who put a picture of their baby as their profile picture on Facebook.
42. My flat in the winter. No double glazing.
43. The fact that Clare Balding keeps getting on comedy panel shows.
44. Justin Lee Collins.
45. People who think the louder they tell a joke, the funnier it gets.
46. People who try and add to my joke and just kill the mood.
47. Justin Bieber.
48. Confused.com adverts. 10,000 nectar points is a tenner.
49. PPI adverts.
50. Adverts.
51. Adverts on YouTube.
52. When shops don't have shoes beyond size 10.
53. People who text/call me before midday.
54. People who hate a band because they are 'sell outs'.
55. People who drive a Toyota Prius.
56. Tourists who come in and ask for directions and/or taxi numbers.
57. Rude people.
58. People with no sense of humour.
59. People who are always 'offended' about something.
60. People who apologise for using the word 'gay' around me.
61. When someone tags me in a photo despite only being able to see my arm or leg.
62. When someone boasts about being a 'non drinker'.
63. People who only buy organic stuff.
64. Vegetarians. 
65. People in their 30s who dress like they're 18.
66. People older than 30 who have 'boy' or 'lad' in their username.
67. People with 'hot' or 'sexy' in their username.
68. People who queue outside the shop before we open.
69. People who don't bother to read signs above aisles.
70. Stupid festival hats.
71. Racists.
72. Homophobes.
73. The man over the road who is always outside his shop and on the phone.
74. People who are only out for a fight.
75. BBC iPlayer.
76. The buffering circle.
77. People who try and convince me to get contacts.
78. People who point out the weather to me at work.
79. Isle of Wight Festival headline acts.
80. The Daily Mail.
81. Drug addicts.
82. Really camp people.
83. People who keep talking to you, despite your grunts.
84. Red Bull. (F1 team)
85. Sebastian Vettel.
86. Christian Horner (Red Bull team principle).
87. Ferrari F1.
88. Sky F1 coverage.
89. Tidying my room.
90. When it's too hot to sleep.
91. When Twitter says "Oops, you already tweeted that" after telling you your previous tweet hadn't sent.
92. People who do nothing but beg people to follow them.
93. People who beg celebrities to notice them.
94. Wasps.
95. Spiders.
96. People who say "It's a spider, it won't hurt you". It's a phobia.
97. The Only Way Is Essex.
98. Boring people.
99. When I can't get my glasses clean.

    and finally.

100. When the wind messes up my hair.

I am not a 'Grammar Nazi'

Let me tell you where I stand with regards to the use of the English language...

First of all, I am not a snob. Nor am I a 'Grammar Nazi'. I just can't ignore bad grammar.

This me as a cat. Apparently. 

I accept that people make 'typos' and not everyone is perfect. I accept the fact that there are people out there who are dyslexic. I have no issue with these people.

What I can't stand however, is people who write blogs/tweets/status updates using text speak and/or no full stops or commas. They are literally impossible to read. A blog without commas takes about 50% more time to read than a normal blog. Because I find myself reading the fucking thing, over and over again. Chucking 'lol' in the middle of the sentence is just stupid. Sorry, I just like being able to read things first time round, without reading the same sentence over and over again.

Perfect example..

"BASICALLY WAS READING ON INTERNET AND THERS A THEORY CALLED GAY UNCLE WHICH BASICALLY MEANS WHEN A GAY IS IN THE FAMILY THE WOMAN ARE MORE FERTILE AND HAVE MORE CHLDEREN AND THE GAY UNCLE LOOKS AFTER HIS SIBLINGS CHILDREN SO THE GAY GENE IS PASSED ON THROUGH HIS NEICES WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS AND CAN YOU SAY HOW MANT CHILDERN ARE IN YOUR FAMILY

MY MOTHER HAD 4 CHILDERN AND MY MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER HAD 7 CHILDERN .."

This is a blog from LadsLads.com. Everything about it angers me. It's all in upper case, it has no commas/fullstops and the spelling is horrific.

I would understand the use of 'txt spk' if we were still using phones from the late 90s/early 00s. But all phones these days have a full qwerty keyboard. People WILL judge you. I can't help but let it anger me. I am fully aware this isn't an English exam, you don't have to tell me. I'm just trying to fucking educate you. If I see a post called 'OMG, luk wot happened 2 me 2day lol' I actually get slightly angry inside. I can't help it, it just really really annoys me.

It doesn't stop at the internet. I work in retail and I have seen application forms (fortunately not many) where people have actually used 'u' instead of 'you'. These get thrown straight into the bin. I mean seriously? You're actually writing like it in real life? I dread to think if people actually write like this in their exams.

So basically, I am saying that I am not a snob, I just can't stand watching the English language being destroyed because people are too lazy to type 'you' properly.

If you are going to write like it, stick to texting your illiterate lazy friends and let the educated people run the world.

Oh, if you do find mistakes in this and decide to 'give me shit' for it, remember I have no issues with typos/mistakes.

Grammar rant over.